StormWarning’s Counterterrorism

As we near the 3/4 mark in 2008, I found this to be an interesting list of things to ponder.

Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8
Men have two emotions:
Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet
and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky …. Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism.

Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2
In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

And The Number 1 Thought For 2008 :
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven’t got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration?

Want one more?

Menopause Jewelry
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. When I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.

Basically, the World is a dangerous place. Sometimes, simply pondering ridiculous thoughts helps eliminate the concern that at some point, some idiot is going to do something stupid and bring it all to a halt. And then, after things haven’t happened the way “they” thought it would, the pondering will go deeper into revelation.

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From a friend’s email. If you were around in 1919 (just before prohibition started) and came upon the following poster…Seriously, would you quit drinking?  Pucker up

Look at those pusses (faces/mugs)!  Almost makes me want a tall straight JD.  Of course, there is a difference between quitting and stopping. One is definitive and the other could be temporary. All from the Women’s Temperance Union.

Womens Temperance Union

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Sorry, but its time for some Redneck Humor. With all of the over load of politics these days (you already know who you’re voting for, but why are you trying to influence other peoples’ votes???), its time for some good ‘ole politically incorrect humor (even if you’ve seen them before).

You might be a Redneck if…

This is your Harley

Redneck Bass Fishin’ Boat

Redneck Grill

Redneck Lawnmower

Redneck Pet Carrier

Redneck Guest Bedrooms

Redneck Palm Pilot

Redneck Yacht

You might be a redneck if…

You need fashion tips from your husband (can this woman be serious???)

Your engagement picture looks like this (the caption on this idiot’s shirt reads: “If I threw a Stick, Would You Leave?”)

Or if your wife is quoted in the local newspaper as saying

And I guess a final point, you are definitely and most decidedly a redneck if you take offense at any of this. PS: I won’t be neglecting my few dedicated readers the next few days. I just have serious business shit to take care of (dontcha just hate ending sentences like that?).

PS: According to my friend Moon, “the key to being a true redneck is the ability to make something useful out of something that serves no use.”

redneck humor

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No doubt the conspiracy theorists will claim that the “hell demon” that floated ashore at Montauk Point on L.I. is the product of the Dept. of Agriculture lab at Plum Island (well, DHS Lab), but that’s bull! Its a chupacabra. Must have gotten caught in the current.

The close proximity of the Plum Island facility and the site of the Montauk Monster’s discovery had fueled speculation that the Monster of Montauk is property of the USDA and may have been an experiment gone wrong or a byproduct of improper disposal.

Meadow muffins!

Its a freakin’ Chupacabra! While the NY’er science community tries to figure out what it is, and while the anti-NBAF conspiracists try to prove that it is some type of mutation caused by the Plum Island facility research, and still others claim that the photo was photoshopped, all they need to do is ask a Texan about the Chupacabra. Go prove that it isn’t!

Chupacabra

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I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an affair. She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered”?

And that, my friend, is the definition of ‘OLD’!!!

Definition of Old

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The only thing funnier than this is…well, frankly there are alot of things funnier than this, but you’ve got to admit that this guy qualifies as the jerk of the day (maybe the year).

jerk of the day, wounded mooning

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When is a joke not funny?…when VP Cheney answers the question if he and Obama were going to have a family reunion, and then replies he would “have no objections” though he said he doubted Obama would want one - “certainly not before November.” And then said, he learned there were Cheneys on both his father’s and his mother’s side of the family…

West Virginia politicians aren’t laughing at Cheney’s little joke, including his fellow Republican, Rep. Shelley Moore Capito (R-W.Va.).

“This is exactly the type of stereotyping that we don’t need from our elected officials,” Capito tells the Sleuth. “It’s disrespectful, and it’s certainly not funny. The Vice President should know better than to make a remark like this one. We all work hard to further West Virginia’s good name, only to have comments like this tarnish it. As a proud state, I can say we are disappointed.”

Mis-statements aren’t restricted to one person or another. Either way, incest isn’t funny.

DIck Cheney, incest, West Virginia

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We all know that Iran (Persia) is sponsoring terrorism like Hezbollah and in Iraq. The question is how to address it, and more importantly, to recognize the Persian footprint. This is a simple guide to recognizing a Persian terrorist.

Armed and dangerous…much more than your average pussy(cat).

Persian terrorists

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The Microsoft CEO, Steve Ballmer was egged by a “disenchanted” student while making a speech on entrepreneurship at Corvinus University of Budapest. As you watch the video, you will see that this Hungarian protester has a “micro” soft toss and see the normally out front MSFT CEO cower behind the lectern to avoid the chicken droppings.

The egg-tossing was in an apparent protest to get Microsoft to give back money to the Hungarian people.

After dodging the eggs, Ballmer shrugs, smiles and quips, “It was a friendly disruption” and the auditorium breaks into laughter. Ballmer then rubs his chin and says, “That broke my train of thought.”

The protester wore a shirt with “Microsoft = Corruption“ emblazoned across the back.

Ballmer, Budapest, egg tossing, Microsoft

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This is political commentary from Jackie and Dunlap…”pick one of them already so we know who to vote against!”

The really scarey thing is that I think I know people like this. Yeah, I know this is a few weeks old, but the message and the humor is spot on!

CLinton, Jackie and Dunlap, Obama

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HUMOR ALERT: Sent to me by a good friend.

Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in the big city and were sight -seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Paddy McGuire’s Pub for a cold soft drink.

Paddy had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashion world. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door .

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

Photoshopped?

Nuns, on the town

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NOTE: Normally, this particular blogger would have maintained relative anonymity. However, as we both are on Word Press, a trackback was automatically sent. This person who wrote that Vicente Fox is still the President of Mexico erred by removing the trackback (which I now understand was inadvertent).

I came across this amazingly uninformed post while skimming the list of current posts at Real Clear Politics. I’m not sure what this blogger expected when he posted two year old information (note that the subject post has been removed - I’ve been chastised to “stop the hack job,” which it wasn’t - but mistakes are meant to be corrected and acknowledged) on his site and then, without any logical explanation other than a total lack of knowledge and awareness of World events, and then goes on to quote:

This past Saturday there was a demonstration held in Mexico City, Mexico, to protest President Fox’s veto of a drug decriminalization bill. Fox is being accused of yielding to pressure from the United States who’s concern is that passage of this bill would encourage “drug tourism” to Mexico.

NOTE THAT THE QUOTED ARTICLE IS TWO YEARS OLD - Astoundingly, the two year old article is dated May 6th (2006), and yet this blogger actually posted the “news and analysis” on May 5th, 2008 and refers to the event occuring “this past Saturday.”

Utterly incredible. Try again??? Nah! Give it up! New word coined: “igno-blogging.”

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OK, I admit it!@#!%^/?%. I watched American Idol again last night. Somehow, the human train wrecks of some of the people involved always fascinates me. Besides, I’m tired of bashing the idiot local DJ, Joe Pags who never fails to amuse. But one has to wonder where in the world Paula Abdul’s head was when she commented on a bad song that hadn’t been sung!

A Fox spokesperson declined to comment, and Paula’s rep did not return e-mails seeking comment. Below is the clip in question. What do you think, PopWatchers? Was this just an honest mistake, or did the whole event strike you as bit more…curious? (If you’re looking for our regular on-the-scene write-up, don’t fret, it’s coming soon. It’s just that this was too juicy not to bring up as soon as possible.)

She is an absolute trainwreck!  But lets remove the movie since it slows down the page load, and provide this update from MTV.

I know sweet heart…”this is hard!” This woman is the epitome of a ditzty booby. I’d like one of whatever she’s having (well, maybe two). Maybe not.

American Idol, Paula Abdul

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Once again, my friend Moon has outdone himself.  Included in this post is this little “ditty” from FOX News: Study: Masturbation May Prevent Prostate Cancer. 

Take it for what you will

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I WAS WRONG. GAME, SET MATCH.

It is spreading like wild fire. Didn’t ya hear? The words “jihad” and “jihadist” have been banned from use by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Its not in any news blurb…its not announced on the State Department website. It has been posted by one blog and then repeated, and repeated and repeated etc. Even by some bloggers of “some repute.” I also note that while it may not be a subject that would normally be covered, websites like Counterterrorism Blog, the Investigative Project on Terrorism, Doug Farah, Evan Kohlmann, Powerline, Bill Roggio (Long War), StrataSphere, Small Wars Journal, BlackFive, and others of that level mention nothing about this “ban.” Perhaps later on in the day??? It is also not shown on the State Department website. There is currently no substantiation of this claim.

A reliable source has informed me that Condoleeza Rice has approved a new lexicon for State Department usage, absolutely forbidding the use of the terms “jihad” and “jihadist” by any State Department official.

[:]

I will publish more information on this when possible.

The “I” is not me, Stormwarning (the “I” refers to the originator of the information). But publish more information indeed…when possible, of course. The reliable source isn’t named. The origin of the “information” isn’t verified.

Previous post on StormBlog: Double Speak and the Lunacy of Language and The War on Terror - Facing Reality.

I don’t know about you, but I’m involved in an early morning conference call in which the term GWOT was used yesterday and will be used today.  Its the “war of words” versus the reality of the War on Terrorism against the Global Jihad.

As always and as is my practice, when (if) corroboration of this “report” is shown, I will eat my words. In fact, I might actually give up blogging if my name isn’t StormWarning (really? - well, maybe).

jihad, jihadist, lexicon, U.S. State Department

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