StormWarning’s Counterterrorism

Well, its not really about terrorism, but it is about current events. The other day I wrote a pseudo-two act play about the Harriet Miers nomination. This is based on a conversation that I had the other night with a friend of mine who knows of such things.

Since this topic has now become "blog-bait" I figured I’d weigh in with my own tongue-in-cheek comments (with a dead serious implied end result).

"A Discussion with Harriet Miers" ©, a two-act play by StormWarning.

THE SCENE: Oval Office
THE PLAYERS: GWB (the “Boss”) and Harriet Miers (the sacrificial “lamb”)

Act One:

[We hear a knock on the door.]

The “lamb” enters from screen right through the Oval Office door. The “Boss” is sitting behind his desk (he is shooting paper clips with a rubber band into the ceiling as she enters).

“Lamb”: Good afternoon Mr. President

“Boss”: Oh come on Harriet, we’ve known each other long enough for you to call me “Boss.”

“Lamb”: Yes, Boss. We’ve known each other a very long time. I don’t really understand why you’ve asked me here today.

“Boss”: Well “lamb” (err, I mean Harriet), I wanted to talk with you about something you can do for your country and for your President.

“Lamb”: Well, anything that you ask, Sir. What is it that you want me to do?

“Boss”: Well Harriet, I have some good news and some not so good news.

“Lamb”: What is it Sir?

“Boss”: I want to nominate you to the United States Supreme Court because I know that you have the qualities of mind and spirit and soul to fill the position in the way I want. I want you to be the one to help me make my mark on the Supreme Court and leave my legacy so everyone knows that I once “slept here” at the White House.

“Lamb”: But George, I don’t have the qualifications to sit on the Supreme Court. I’m a lawyer, I am your lawyer, but I’ve never been a judge.

“Boss”: Don’t worry about that Harriet. You are a good lawyer and a close friend. And I have every confidence that you will be a great Justice if those pesky Democrats will just agree to your nomination. The bad news is that it’s not going to be an easy confirmation. But its part of my plan.

Act 2: A few days have passed and George has begun to hear “noise” from unexpected places…his conservative base. Among the loudest are Pat Buchanan, former Presidential candidate and currently, a talking head on that dreaded MSNBC, the most “liberal” of the three cable news networks…and William Kristol.

[Another knock is heard on the door to the Oval Office]

“Boss”: Who is it? Come on in! [Harriet enters stage right.]

“Lamb”: Mr. President, I needed to talk with you.

“Boss”: Please, Harriet, call me George or better, call me “Boss.”

“Lamb”: OK George. We’ve known each other for a long time. I am so upset at what people are saying about my nomination. I told you that I didn’t think I was qualified. I’m a law-yer, not a judge!

“Boss”: Harriet, would you please stop worrying. Its part of my plan. I have a plan, you know, Harriet. I had capital, political capital, but I’m afraid I’ve spent most of that, so I have to have a plan.

“Lamb”: OK, Sir, what is your plan?

“Boss”: Well “lamb” (err, I mean Harriet), here’s how it goes. I’ve nominated you for a lifelong appointment to the U.S. Supreme Court. As long as my plan works, the Democrats will vote to confirm you because you don’t really have a track record, so they don’t really have a reason to vote against you.

“Lamb”: But what about the conservatives? They are all in an uproar, Sir.

“Boss”: Thank you for calling me “Sir” Harriet. It sounds so good.

“Lamb”: So what’s your plan?

“Boss”: Well it goes like this. I’m having Cheney, Rove and Libby talk to everyone. We’ll http://www.favewavs.com/wavs/misc/gitrdone.wav “Git-R-Done!”

“Lamb”: But what if you don’t http://www.favewavs.com/wavs/misc/gitrdone.wav ?

“Boss”: Well Harriet, that’s my plan. If we http://www.favewavs.com/wavs/misc/gitrdone.wav you get to be a Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court and you get to vote your evangelical conscience.

“Lamb”: But what if they don’t confirm me, or what if it gets “too hot in the kitchen” and we decide to withdraw my nomination? I’m not sure I’m up to all of this, Sir.

“Boss”: Well, if they vote you down, and “you take a bullet for your Commander in Chief,” I’ll say to all of those people, OK, “you people,” since you didn’t confirm Harriet Miers, my first choice, I hereby nominate Alberto Gonzales. So either way, I get my way. And if they turn you down, I’ll nominate you for the federal courts anyway. What do you think of that Harriet?

“Lamb”: Well Sir, it’s a “plan.”

[Curtain comes down, and time passes. The end of this play is still to be written.]